A topic that comes up very early in our 8 week online IOP. How do I stop acting out cold turkey? What sort of blocks should I put in place to avoid temptation?

My recommendation is to first catalog everything about triggers. 95/5 rule. 95% of acting out occurs under specific conditions. I have them ask themselves the following questions. Where are you when you most usually act out, or start planning an episode? Which circumstances triggers your desire to act out (invariably arguments with spouse/family and/or financial/work related stresses). Are there common themes, or "tapes" that you are playing in your head before the compulsion comes over you?

As discussed in chapter 6 of Facing the Shadow....are there precipitating steps that lead to full blown relapse?

So much of our work at R2I is awareness practice...in all things.
Many new clients simply do not have awareness of their patterns.  and feel empowered when they really define them.

your router is the most effective way to block adult content without slowing down your internet. Here’s how:

How to Block Porn on Your (example: Arris Surfboard) Router Using DNS Filtering

Changing the DNS settings on your router is the most effective way to block adult content without slowing down your internet. Here’s how:

Step 1: Log Into Your Router

1. Open a web browser and enter 192.168.0.1 (or 192.168.1.1).
2. Enter your router login credentials (default is often admin / password, unless changed).

Step 2: Change the DNS Settings

1. Navigate to LAN Settings or Internet Settings.
2. Find the DNS Server settings section.
3. Replace the existing DNS addresses with one of the filtered options below:

Recommended DNS Services for Blocking Porn:

• OpenDNS FamilyShield
  • Primary DNS: 208.67.222.123
  • Secondary DNS: 208.67.220.123
• CleanBrowsing (Family Filter)
  • Primary DNS: 185.228.168.168
  • Secondary DNS: 185.228.169.168
• AdGuard Family DNS
  • Primary DNS: 94.140.14.15
  • Secondary DNS: 94.140.15.16

Step 3: Save and Restart Your Router

• Click Apply / Save and reboot your router for changes to take effect.

Step 4: Lock Yourself Out (So You Can’t Bypass the Filter)

For this to work as a real safeguard, you need to remove your ability to undo it in a moment of weakness.

1. Change the Router Password:
   • Log back into the router after setting up DNS filtering.
   • Navigate to the Admin or Security settings and change the router login password.
   • Use a 12-character, randomized password with a mix of uppercase, lowercase, numbers, and symbols.
2. Have Someone Else Hold the Password:
   • Give the new password to your spouse, sponsor, therapist, or an accountability partner.
   • Have them read it out to you while you type it in—then they keep it, and you don’t.
3. Test the Block:
   • Try visiting an adult website to confirm the filtering works.
   • If you can still access porn, double-check the DNS settings.

What If the Router Doesn’t Have DNS Filtering?

Some Arris Surfboard models offer built-in Parental Controls:

1. Log into 192.168.0.1 and navigate to Parental Controls / Access Restrictions.
2. Enable filtering options (some models require a third-party service).
3. Save settings and restart your router.

If your router doesn’t support filtering, DNS-based filtering (Step 1) is the best option.

Final Thoughts: A Tool, Not a Cure

Blocking porn at the router level makes access more difficult, which can help disrupt addictive cycles and compulsive behavior. However, technology alone won’t keep someone sober—real change comes from commitment, therapy, group work, and deeper emotional healing.

For spouses, this is not about playing “police” but about supporting real boundaries. For clinicians, helping clients implement this can provide structure and reinforce their recovery efforts.

If you’re struggling with addiction, get connected with a support group, therapist, or structured program. DNS filtering is just one piece of the recovery puzzle.

Here are additional safeguards that can complement DNS filtering to create a stronger barrier against porn use. These solutions work together to increase accountability, reduce temptation, and create friction in moments of weakness.

1. Use Accountability & Filtering Software

DNS filtering is great for blocking content at the network level, but it doesn’t prevent access via mobile data, VPNs, or proxy sites. To reinforce filtering across all devices, use specialized software that monitors activity and blocks inappropriate content.

Best Software for Filtering & Accountability

A. Covenant Eyes (Best for Accountability)

• Uses Screen Accountability to monitor what’s being viewed.
• Sends reports to an accountability partner (spouse, sponsor, therapist, etc.).
• Blocks explicit content and circumvention methods.
• Works on Windows, Mac, iOS, and Android.
• Website: https://www.covenanteyes.com

B. Canopy (Best for AI-Powered Filtering)

• Uses real-time AI to filter out pornographic content in photos & videos.
• Prevents explicit content even before it loads.
• Blocks VPNs and proxy sites to prevent circumvention.
• Website: https://www.canopy.us

C. Net Nanny (Best for Families)

• Blocks pornography, gambling, and explicit content.
• Parental controls allow for customizable filtering.
• Tracks screen time and app usage.
• Website: https://www.netnanny.com

2. Restrict Mobile Devices (iPhones & Androids)

Most addicts bypass filtering by using mobile data or downloading unmonitored browsers. To close this loophole, lock down smartphones and tablets with built-in parental controls.

For iPhones & iPads (Screen Time Restrictions)

1. Go to: Settings > Screen Time > Content & Privacy Restrictions.
2. Enable Content Restrictions:
   • Web Content: Choose Limit Adult Websites or Allowed Websites Only.
   • Apps: Prevent downloading of unfiltered browsers (like Tor).
3. Set a passcode for Screen Time (held by your spouse/accountability partner).

For Android (Google Family Link)

1. Install Google Family Link on both the addict’s phone and a trusted accountability partner’s phone.
2. Restrict Google Play Downloads:
   • Block unfiltered browsers & VPN apps.
3. Enable SafeSearch & Web Filtering in Google Chrome settings.
4. Lock mobile data by requiring Wi-Fi-only browsing.

3. Block VPNs & Private Browsing

Some addicts bypass DNS filters by using VPNs (Virtual Private Networks) or Incognito Mode. To prevent this:

A. Disable VPN Access on Your Router

1. Log into your Arris Surfboard router (192.168.0.1).
2. Go to Security Settings / Firewall.
3. Look for an option to Block VPNs & Proxies.
4. Enable this setting and save changes.

B. Disable Incognito Mode on Browsers

For Chrome (Windows & Mac)

1. Open the Registry Editor (Win + R, type regedit).
2. Navigate to:
   HKEY_LOCAL_MACHINE\SOFTWARE\Policies\Google\Chrome
3. Create a new DWORD entry:
   • Name: IncognitoModeAvailability
   • Value: 1
4. Restart Chrome—Incognito Mode will be disabled.

For Safari (Mac & iPhone)

• Enable Screen Time Restrictions and set "Limit Adult Websites" (this disables Private Browsing).

4. Set Up a Router-Level "Kill Switch"

If you or your client relapse frequently and struggle with self-control, consider adding a more drastic safety measure—a scheduled internet "kill switch."

How to Do This:

1. Log into your Arris Surfboard router (192.168.0.1).
2. Find Access Restrictions / Parental Controls.
3. Set time limits (e.g., shut off the internet at 11 PM when urges are high).
4. Lock the settings with an accountability partner’s password.

This method removes access during vulnerable times, forcing the addict to develop healthier coping mechanisms.

5. Increase Offline Accountability

While technology can help block access, recovery isn’t about just avoiding porn—it’s about creating connection and accountability in real life. Here are offline steps that reinforce digital safeguards:

A. Check-In Calls

• Schedule daily check-ins with a sponsor, spouse, or therapist.
• Morning & Night Routine: Have a trusted person ask about urges and wins for the day.

B. Implement a Recovery Plan

• Set up healthy physical habits (gym, yoga, cold showers).
• Replace compulsive behaviors with oxytocin-boosting activities (like connection, touch, and service work).
• Engage in sex addiction group therapy (e.g., SAA, SA, or a private recovery program).

Final Thoughts: A Holistic Approach

🔒 Digital Boundaries Are a Tool, Not a Cure

Porn blocking through DNS filtering, accountability software, and mobile restrictions creates friction that helps stop impulsive acting out. However, real recovery happens through deeper emotional work, connection, and behavioral change.

If you’re struggling—or helping a loved one—take action today: ✅ Implement digital safeguards (DNS filtering, accountability software).
✅ Set up real-world accountability (therapy, group support).
✅ Develop alternative ways to meet emotional and physical needs.

Need help setting this up? Let me know! I'm happy to guide you through the process. 💙