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The Return 2 Intimacy Story

Co-Founders Charlene and Joshua Lewis

Experience - Strength - Hope

I couldn’t look people in the eyes because of this shame, and felt more anxiety and depression with every passing year.

During my late teens couldn’t keep a relationship because I simply wasn’t interested.

I had the safety of pornography. 

I had the comfort of massage parlors.

When the internet took off in 1996 , I didn’t stand a chance.

Day after day I fell into this trance where one fantasy after the next might become reality; with just one more video, one more pic, one more click.

While my friends were dating and experiencing love and healthy sexuality in college, I would act out, self medicate with drugs and alcohol, and eventually fail out.

By this time, I had become convinced that there was something very wrong with me, as I started to visiting massage parlors more frequently.

I started to wonder if I was perhaps dealing with some mental disorder, and that I was going crazy.

I couldn't imagine a joyful life continuing to act out, yet couldn’t bare the idea of letting it go. 

I felt trapped, stuck, and KNEW that I NEEDED to stop.

Despite all of my self-hatred and disgust, despite my attempts to stop, I simply couldn’t STAY STOPPED for more than a few days. 

Dozens of psychotherapy sessions and shelves of self-help books just could’t seem to make him feel whole again.

Alcohol and drugs soon became my way to cope.

Yet they couldn’t come close to alleviating his shame for more than a few moments, even as the amounts that he ingested increased.

I remember going to bars full of college merriment, go to the bathroom, and stare into the mirror and feeling completely lost.

I didn't know who it was, that was looking at whom. This realization terrified me.

Eventually by the age of 26 helplessness and hopelessness grew to a point where I could no longer cope with life living in his own skin.

On some subconscious level, I had decided to end life.

On the morning of April 23rd 2003 I woke up in the hospital and was told that I was brought back to life a few days earlier, and that they had pumped my stomach, which was full of alcohol and pills.

And then something happened....

Miracle #1: I threw myself into the world of 12 step recovery and something truly amazing happened!

At this point in my life I had nothing to lose, and became open to a new way of thinking.

I was detoxed and spent two months in a treatment facility where we had intense group therapy, one on one therapy, and were taken to 12 step meetings.

After fully accepting that there was no other motive at these meetings but to help people get sober, I fully put aside my skepticism and blindly followed suggestions, working the 12 steps to the best of my ability. 

Low and behold something miraculous happened.....it worked! I hadn't been able to stay substance free for more than a few days, in over a decade.

Miracle #2: I had slowly developed a habit of using the tools to STAY STOPPED. Sobriety started to click!

I began working with other sex addicts, from all walks of life, to achieve and maintain sobriety. I learned a lot about what works, and what does not! I also was able to stay sober in helping others.

Simply sharing with these gentlemen what had worked for me, they managed to get sober!

Is lasting sobriety possible?

A resounding HELL YES! If anyone tells you otherwise, they are lying or tremendously misinformed. It IS very simple, but  does not feel EASY or intuitive in the beginning. It is like learning to ride a bike. In the beginning we often fall off and get some bumps and bruises, but sooner than later, one day at a time we get cruisin'!

The 5 False Beliefs That Made Recovery IMPOSSIBLE!

#1: Sex addiction does not exist! 

(Only people who get caught cheating use it as an excuse for bad behavior)

The most commonly used definition for addiction is "compulsive use despite adverse consequences." If you cannot STAY STOPPED AND prevent negative consequences you are likely a sex addict! If you could have stopped, you likely would have already! Staying stopped is pretty self explanatory. Adverse consequences can be "big" or "small," however they are exactly what they are. Examples:

• Getting arrested.
• Contracting a disease.
• Physical harm.
• Getting caught by spouse.
• Losing a job.
• Failed relationships or divorce.
• Feeling anxious and shame ridden.
• Losing large amounts of time.
• Losing large amounts of money.
• Losing friendships, and or a social life.
• Feeling completely isolated.
• Having to medicate feeling of shame with alcohol or drugs.
• ...and many, many more!

#2: I can fix this problem myself!

How has that worked out for you so far? Trying to fix the problem (thinking;/behavior) with the problem (a brain that rationalizes, minimizes, forgets the harm and emotional pain experience when acting out), had me chasing my  tail a very, very long time!

I had to ask myself: "Do I have more time or pain to spare?"

We at Return2Intimacy.com are here for you when you are "sick and tired of feeling sick and tired!"

Trying to "fix" this problem alone is something that I personally wish I would not have been so brazenly stubborn to try. 

Most sex addicts experience this as a hopelessly futile, and exhausting road to go down. I get it! I don't like asking for help finding something at Walmart, even though I would surely get my needs met much more quickly doing so.

Simple question: do you want to be "right" or do you want to be happy?

#3: "I just like sex a lot, but wouldn't qualify as a sex addict per se!"

Of course there is nothing wrong with a rich, wonderful, enjoyable sex life! Is that what you are experiencing though? Have you taken a SEX ADDICTION SCREENING TEST? Answering HONESTLY in the affirmative to more than 13 questions indicates that you are likely one of many millions of sex addicts.

#4: "I believe that I am a sex addict, but it is not that bad."

You can address it when it gets worse? Really? Yes the elevator might be going down, but you can get off at any time you like! Why not get out now? Some say that the first step to getting yourself out of a hole is to stop digging! It could be argued that there is a step before that: knowing that you are in a hole in the first place. Will you have the opportunity to stop before unintended consequences surely come about?

#5: You believe that it's beyond your control and blame outside factors.

"Everyone is a sex addict! Sex is everywhere! Everyone is looking at porn or got something on the side? It is a part of our culture and there is no way to avoid it." The essence of this argument is that the problem is "out there" somewhere and certainly not right here in the mirror. Either you are a sex addict or you are not. Either you are destined to suffer in silence as a victim, or you can actually participate in a solution. The good news is that YOU are the only one who can determine whether or not you associate with the term "sex addict" as defined above. It is no one else's business but your own. Only YOU can address it. You would not be the first, nor the last. 

The excuses, and rationalizations can, and most often do, go on ad nauseam. You have likely seen our video that covers over 50  more!

 If you’re skeptical - welcome to the club!

Nearly EVERY SINGLE PERSON that has recovered from sex addiction believed at one point that they could NOT do it.

NOT ONE PERSON that we have worked with has NOT felt at least some doubt.

And yet they walk through the doubt, and it happens, ALL THE TIME!

INTRODUCING

The 12 Week Sex Addiction Recovery Intensive