The Return 2 Intimacy Story

Co-Founders Charlene and Joshua Lewis

Experience - Strength - Hope

Charlene Lewis

LCSW, CAP, AASECT/ITAAP CERTIFIED SEX ADDICTION THERAPIST

Co-Founder Return 2 Intimacy

Hi I am Charlene Lewis - a Sex Addiction therapist with over 15 years of clinical experience treating addiction. I also have over 15 years of real world, personal experience in sobriety.

Joshua Lewis

Co-Founder: Return 2 Intimacy

Hi I am Joshua Lewis - a recovery coach with over 17 years of real life experience in sobriety from alcohol, substances, compulsive work, and sex addiction. My life's mission is to help others suffering from sex addiction.

Miracle #1: I threw myself into the world of 12 step recovery and something truly amazing happened!

At this point in my life I had nothing to lose, and became open to a new way of thinking.

I was detoxed and spent two months in a treatment facility where we had intense group therapy, one on one therapy, and were taken to 12 step meetings.

After fully accepting that there was no other motive at these meetings but to help people get sober, I fully put aside my skepticism and blindly followed suggestions, working the 12 steps to the best of my ability.

Low and behold something miraculous happened.....it worked! I hadn't been able to stay substance free for more than a few days, in over a decade.

A decade of Miracles: One year, two years, ten years passed without drugs, alcohol and MOST all compulsive sex stuff except...pornography.

I was about to have my first child, a baby girl, and something clearly had to give. I could not reconcile the shame of objectifying women, and the love that I would have for this treasure that was about to come into the world. My wife, who is an expert in sex addiction, had discovered that I was looking at pornography and gave me an ultimatum: "get this stuff figured out or get out." Over the next two years the following things took place, which I now know were gifts:

I sought help from a therapist specializing in sex addiction and re-processed past trauma in a safe environment.
Discovered the 12 step fellowship of Adult Children of Alcoholics (for really any member of a family with some dysfunction, or all of us), and connected with it's idea of an internal critical parent, a loving parent, and an inner child.
Realized that when I had gone to sex addiction related 12 step groups it became clear that recovery rates were just not as good as they were in other fellowships. Relapse was MUCH more frequent.
Sitting in a mens meeting of my core 12 step fellowship, I listened to one member after the other (most all with long term, SOLID double digit sobriety) lament that they were still struggling with pornography.
I began reading the work of Sex Addiction pioneer, Patrick Carnes, whom my wife had studied under as a sex addiction specialist herself. I began to appreciate the power of shame in keeping people in active addiction.
I was attending 12 step meetings for yet one more compulsion (WORK) and incorporated their Daily Spiritual Action Plan into my daily life.....rigorously.

Miracle #2: I had slowly developed a habit of using the tools to STAY STOPPED. Sobriety started to click!

I began working with other sex addicts, from all walks of life, to achieve and maintain sobriety. I learned a lot about what works, and what does not! I also was able to stay sober in helping others.

Simply sharing with these gentlemen what had worked for me, they managed to get sober!

Is lasting sobriety possible?

A resounding HELL YES! If anyone tells you otherwise, they are lying or tremendously misinformed. It IS very simple, but does not feel EASY or intuitive in the beginning. It is like learning to ride a bike. In the beginning we often fall off and get some bumps and bruises, but sooner than later, one day at a time we get cruisin'!

The 5 False Beliefs That Made Recovery IMPOSSIBLE!

#1: Sex addiction does not exist!

(Only people who get caught cheating use it as an excuse for bad behavior)

The most commonly used definition for addiction is "compulsive use despite adverse consequences." If you cannot STAY STOPPED AND prevent negative consequences you are likely a sex addict! If you could have stopped, you likely would have already! Staying stopped is pretty self explanatory. Adverse consequences can be "big" or "small," however they are exactly what they are. Examples:

Getting arrested.
Contracting a disease.
Physical harm.
Getting caught by spouse.
Losing a job.
Failed relationships or divorce.
Feeling anxious and shame ridden.
Losing large amounts of time.
Losing large amounts of money.
Losing friendships, and or a social life.
Feeling completely isolated.
Having to medicate feeling of shame with alcohol or drugs.
...and many, many more!

#2: I can fix this problem myself!

How has that worked out for you so far? Trying to fix the problem (thinking;/behavior) with the problem (a brain that rationalizes, minimizes, forgets the harm and emotional pain experience when acting out), had me chasing my tail a very, very long time!

I had to ask myself: "Do I have more time or pain to spare?"

We at Return2Intimacy.com are here for you when you are "sick and tired of feeling sick and tired!"

Trying to "fix" this problem alone is something that I personally wish I would not have been so brazenly stubborn to try.

Most sex addicts experience this as a hopelessly futile, and exhausting road to go down. I get it! I don't like asking for help finding something at Walmart, even though I would surely get my needs met much more quickly doing so.

Simple question: do you want to be "right" or do you want to be happy?

#3: "I just like sex a lot, but wouldn't qualify as a sex addict per se!"

Of course there is nothing wrong with a rich, wonderful, enjoyable sex life! Is that what you are experiencing though? Have you taken a SEX ADDICTION SCREENING TEST? Answering HONESTLY in the affirmative to more than 13 questions indicates that you are likely one of many millions of sex addicts.

#4: "I believe that I am a sex addict, but it is not that bad."

You can address it when it gets worse? Really? Yes the elevator might be going down, but you can get off at any time you like! Why not get out now? Some say that the first step to getting yourself out of a hole is to stop digging! It could be argued that there is a step before that: knowing that you are in a hole in the first place. Will you have the opportunity to stop before unintended consequences surely come about?

#5: You believe that it's beyond your control and blame outside factors.

"Everyone is a sex addict! Sex is everywhere! Everyone is looking at porn or got something on the side? It is a part of our culture and there is no way to avoid it." The essence of this argument is that the problem is "out there" somewhere and certainly not right here in the mirror. Either you are a sex addict or you are not. Either you are destined to suffer in silence as a victim, or you can actually participate in a solution. The good news is that YOU are the only one who can determine whether or not you associate with the term "sex addict" as defined above. It is no one else's business but your own. Only YOU can address it. You would not be the first, nor the last.

The excuses, and rationalizations can, and most often do, go on ad nauseam. You have likely seen our video that covers over 50 more!

If you’re skeptical - welcome to the club!

Nearly EVERY SINGLE PERSON that has recovered from sex addiction believed at one point that they could NOT do it.

NOT ONE PERSON that we have worked with has NOT felt at least some doubt.

And yet they walk through the doubt, and it happens, ALL THE TIME!